Table of Contents:
- Tips for Climaxing Together
- It all starts before you enter the bedroom
- It takes working together to make it happen
- It helps to be in the right position
- Climaxing Together Is Difficult but Doable
- You Can Orgasm Alone But Not With Your Partner? Here’s What You Can Do About it
- Unleash your fantasies
- Change it up
- Increase clitoral stimulation
- Try lubrication
- Use sex toys
- Prep yourself
- Go for the oral
- What Happens During an Orgasm?
- The Male Orgasm
- The Female Orgasm
You Can Orgasm Alone But Not With Your Partner? Here’s What You Can Do About it
There is division when the topic of dual orgasm comes up. It has happened to some but the rest find it rather elusive.
Sex can be good even if just one of the partners comes or one partner comes before the other. Just imagine how great it would feel to be doing it together?
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To paraphrase the author of a book called He Comes Next, concurrent climaxes is a gratifying sexual experience.
The author, Ian Kerner, added that sensations are also amplified during a simultaneous orgasm because couples are experiencing it together.
Then again, those with active sex lives know that a synchronized orgasm is like trying to spot a famously elusive species: sometimes it happens, often times it does not. But knowing that a simultaneous climax is not a myth, how can couples achieve such a feat?
Tips for Climaxing Together
A study in The Journal of Sexual Medicine points out that couples who climax together are those who have strong relationships, have active sex lives and also have a positive outlook on life. The author of the study, Stuart Brody, also notes that coming at the same time as your partner means both of you have truly become one.
So how do couples climax together?
It all starts before you enter the bedroom
Simply knowing that sex is going to happen when both of you get home is enough to drum up excitement. The University of Texas’ Sexual Psychophysiology Lab has stated that expecting an orgasm to happen increases the chances of it actually happening. Heeding signs that turn you on, be it a specific smell or a particular tune, can make for a more pleasurable experience in bed as well.
Think of it as setting a scene for what will happen. So during the day, send each other flirty messages about what’s going down during the night. Since imagination is a very powerful thing, why don’t you spend a few minutes throughout the day thinking about your partner?
Even better, you can eliminate anything that might kill the mood. For instance, you can try leaving both your phones elsewhere while you do the deed. This way, one partner doesn’t get distracted and ensures that both of you are focused on a particular goal.
It takes working together to make it happen
If your notion of sex is solely for your own pleasure, then let’s just throw peaking together out the window. It’s just never going to happen if you don’t work together.
Here are the facts: Men can come in just a short time. Women, on the other hand, take longer to get there.
The notion that you have to wait until your partner is “ready” might not strike the fancy of those who want it over and done with. However, just like life, climaxing together is not easy. It takes time and to be honest, a whole lot of patience. But the reward will be so great.
So how can climaxing be done together? Put simply: men need to relax and women need to be touched.
There’s a lot of “being aware” involved in peaking together. The guy should mind his arousal at the same time do everything possible to get the lady “ready to go.” What he can do is touch his partner in places that would turn her on.
The female side of the equation can also do their part by having something rubbed against their clitoris as doing so increases blood flow to the V-zone leading to being turned on. Actions include using a vibrator, using your own fingers or grinding your pelvis on his body. Ladies can also guide their men where they want to be touched.
Men tend to get aroused pretty quickly and women can help keep him calm as well. A little stroke of the butt area or the inside of the thigh can to the trick. A bit of whispering in the ear may help as well. Another technique that can work for males is to do a mix of shallow and deep thrusts but done in a slow manner.
It helps to be in the right position
Conversation works even when having sex – it’s not all grunting and moaning. Talking to each other can help provide clues as to “where you currently are.”
If you’re both “near” then it’s time to move on to a position that provides intense sensation. Other than conversation, creating codes can also help. For instance, the squeeze of a hand means one is close to climaxing.
One of the tested and proven methods is having the man enter from behind. This allows deeper penetration on his part and it also allows him to manually stimulate the clitoris.
Another method is the coital alignment technique which is a version of the missionary position but where the lady straps her legs around her guy to “keep him straight” and the grinding resulting from it creates much-needed friction to be aroused.
Positions with the girl on top create opportunities for climaxing together as well. With the lady on top, she can be in control of the pace – it doesn’t even matter if it’s on the bed or straddling a man on a chair.
The woman can simply pull out ever so slightly when her man is about to orgasm and try something else, be it kissing, talking or touching. When he has calmed down, the sex can resume.
Climaxing Together Is Difficult but Doable
Not every couple can orgasm together. Then again, when you want it to happen, it will definitely happen. All it needs is time, a whole lot of patience and an even greater sense of understanding of one’s partner. You won’t be experts at synchronized orgasms after just one go – it usually takes a lot of practice.
There will surely be times when the man goes first but issues like this shouldn’t dissuade you from trying to come together. If you want it badly enough, it’s bound to happen.
You Can Orgasm Alone But Not With Your Partner? Here’s What You Can Do About it
You’re in the mood. Things are getting hot and heavy between you and your partner. You’re in bed together, one thing leads to another, and the next thing you know you’re having sex. But you don’t get that pleasured satisfaction from it that you should. Sure, it feels good and your partner gets off, but you don’t.
It’s not uncommon to have trouble completing an orgasm. What can be a wonderfully pleasure-filled experience during your solo action can be quite the opposite once you hop into bed with your partner.
You may be perfectly apt at getting yourself off while masturbating, but sex just doesn’t do it for you. Being able to orgasm is key to having better sex and establishing better intimacy in your relationship, so how can you make sure it happens?
Unleash your fantasies
Putting your imagination to use can be a great way to get your blood pumping. Oftentimes fantasies play a big role in solo time, as they can stimulate both our minds and our bodies, which is why it helps us achieve orgasm more quickly.
Activating those fantasies while you’re heading for a romp in the sheets with your partner can greatly increase your chances of arousal and orgasm. Just close your eyes and let your imagination take hold.
Change it up
Lack of an orgasm can mean your sex life needs some spicing up. Shake things up by trying new places, positions, and even sex toys to stir up the sexiness. Adding in some new flavor is a great way to experiment.
You might even find something that you really enjoy and works for you. Don’t be afraid to try different sex positions, and even sex games like roleplay, which can make the bedroom seem a lot more adventurous.
Sometimes we’re unable to achieve an orgasm because we’re too clenched up down there. Whether it’s because you’re self-conscious or stressed during intimacy, try to loosen up a bit. Get the blood flowing with some foreplay in the beginning, have your partner give you a massage, and just lay back and let the orgasm come instead of overthinking it.
If you find yourself stressed from work or something else, try taking a relaxing bath or setting up a date night between you and your partner to put things in that mood before you head for the sheets.
Increase clitoral stimulation
Adding the clitoris into the mix can be a game changer for sex, as it can be more difficult to orgasm from vaginal penetration alone. Have your partner use his fingers, or add in a vibrator to help stimulate the clitoris and increase your chances of orgasming during sex. You can even use your own fingers during sex to touch and stimulate your clitoris the way you like it.
Dry sex can be painful and can make it impossible to enjoy. Adding in some lubricant can help make things a bit sexier, and certainly smoother, which will altogether increase arousal and make it easier to orgasm.
Masturbation is easy because you know exactly what you want and what you like in order to get yourself to that happy place. Sex can be more difficult if you and your partner aren’t on the same page.
So help your partner get a better feel of your body, tell him when you like something and when you don’t like something, and let him know if what he’s doing is working. You’ll have a much better change of orgasming if your partner is in tune with your body like you are.
Use sex toys
There’s nothing wrong with incorporating some outside help. Using sex toys can be a great way to get aroused and make sex more pleasurable. With the addition of new ways to pleasure yourself and your partner, sex will feel a whole lot more adventurous.
For the whole day leading up to sex, keep reminding yourself that you’re going to have sex and you’re going to orgasm. Get your partner in on it and maybe do some roleplay beforehand. Either way, thinking about sex will certainly make you hornier as the day goes on, and when that time comes you’ll be ready to let loose.
Spend plenty of time on foreplay beforehand to get yourself ready. This way you can ease your way into it and allow yourself to get into the mood before engaging in sex right away. Foreplay will also help relax you and make you more aroused, and the more aroused you get the more likely you are to orgasm.
Go for the oral
Oral sex is a great way to achieve orgasm because the focus is entirely on you. This is a great time to just relax and let your partner touch you. This way, you can concentrate on what’s happening rather than worrying about pleasing your partner at the same time.
If you still have trouble, try to let your partner know which spots feel the best to you and give him a few cues to let him know if he should stop or keep going.
What Happens During an Orgasm?
Most of us know that we enjoy having sex; however, few of us really understand the physiological responses that accompany our sexual experiences. Our goal during sex is usually one thing: to achieve an orgasm. We crave that moment of bliss and ecstasy, even though it only lasts a few seconds, often without knowing exactly why it happens or the sexual response cycle that our body endures.
The sexual response cycle refers to the sequence of events that happens to a person’s body when they become sexually aroused and participate in sexual activities. The orgasm is the climax of the cycle, usually lasting only a few seconds. Both men and women go through the four phases of the sexual response cycle: excitement, plateau, orgasm, and resolution. Oftentimes, men reach the first orgasm during sex, while women may take up to 15 minutes longer.
So What Happens?
During orgasm, the nerves in our genital region send messages to the pleasure center of the brain. The anatomy of the orgasm begins in the buildup, in which your body goes through changes that increase sensitivity and arousal.
Simultaneously, our brain is flooded with information, activating the pleasure center and causing our minds to temporarily lose control. Orgasms cause our brain to release oxytocin. Oxytocin is a powerful chemical in the brain that inspires feelings of intimacy, making you feel deeply connected with your partner. Since men have higher levels of testosterone, they may not be as susceptible to the effects of oxytocin as women, which explains the sometimes different reactions of men and women towards sex.
As sexual excitement in the brain stimulates the blood flow to the genital area, the penis is engorged in men and the clitoris and labia is enlarged and lubricated in women. The central nervous system is at play, directing the messages of pleasure along the pelvic, pudendal, and hypogastric nerve endings in the genital regions in the brain during plateau.
This is then followed up with a series of pelvic, cervical, and anal muscle contractions in increments along with orgasmic sensations and ejaculation. Following this, deep relaxation and resolution occurs as the muscles begin to relax and the heart rate slows back to a resting pace.
The Male Orgasm
Before the male orgasm, seminal fluid first builds up in the urethral bulb. During this phase, men may encounter the sensation that an orgasm is certain to occur. The next step is the actual orgasm itself, in which the semen is ejaculated from the penis and contractions occur in the penis during the orgasmic phase. The released tension that occurs is what makes the orgasm feel so good.
The Female Orgasm
As a female’s body gets ready to orgasm, they will notice a warm, tingling sensation due to increased heart rate and blood pressure that is directed towards the genitals. The clitoris is made up of over 8,000 individual nerve endings, and it swells and enlarges during this climax phase. As the orgasm nears, the clitoris will pull back up under the clitoral hood and the inner labia will begin to swell as the outer lips separate.
When the climax moment finally happens, muscle spasms and contractions will begin, especially in the pelvis. A combination of the uterus, vagina, anus, and pelvic floor will contract, causing waves of pleasure through the abdomen and body. These can last anywhere from a few seconds to a full minute.
During a female orgasm, the first third of the vaginal walls contract rhythmically. The number and intensity of the contracts depends on each individual orgasm, so it varies between person and circumstance. The muscles of the uterus also contract, but these are barely noticeable.
When women experience an orgasm, the periaqueductal gray (PAG) is activated. The PAG is the part of the brain that controls the flight-or-fight response. There is also decreased activity in the amygdala and hippocampus when an orgasm is reached, both areas which monitor fear and anxiety.
For both males and females, the event of an orgasm increases breathing, pulse rate, and blood pressure. The muscle tension and blood-vessel engorgement reach a peak, and sometimes the orgasm comes with a grasping-type muscular reflex of the hands and feet. While the anatomy for both female and male orgasms can be very different, both have strong effects on the body and mind that maximize the pleasurable experience.