How to Tell Your Partner You Have an STD

If you’ve been told by your doctor that you have a sexually transmitted disease, you might think your sex life is over. Maybe you’ve sworn off dating forever or maybe you just want to avoid intimacy.

This a natural response to having an STD. The fact is, your sex life is not over if you have an STD. In fact, you can still have a great sex life. It just means you have to be smart and take some precautions.

If you find yourself in a relationship and need to tell your partner you have an STD, there are some things you should know first, as this situation must be handled with care.

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Your first consideration should be when you should tell your partner. If you’ve just found out about your STD, then make sure to tell them before the next time you have sex.

If your relationship is just getting to the stage of intimacy, then this is a whole other matter. You must tell them of your STD, but there are good ways and bad ways to break the news.

Do not simply send them an e-mail or a text message. Don’t tell them over chat or Skype. You must give them the respect they deserve and tell them face to face. In addition, you want to be there when you tell them so you can see their face.

You want to be able to see what emotions they’re feeling so you can provide the comfort or reassurance they need. The best place to tell someone is usually where they live.

In this case, you can be assured that the environment is calm and comfortable enough for them to hear the news. They’ll also be more likely to have a sincere reaction if they aren’t influenced by anyone else or in another place.

Always make sure you tell them in a private place and not on a date, at an event or anywhere in public, this just wouldn’t be appropriate.

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Know the Facts

Before telling them about your STD, you’ll want to make sure you are as prepared as possible with information and resources about the STD and your particular diagnosis and prognosis.

Learn as much as you can so you can be prepared to answer any questions they might have. Most of all, you’ll want to be honest about the STD, what it is exactly and how it will affect you, your health, your relationships and, of course, your sex life. Give them all the facts, figures, and all the details as you know them.


For some sexually transmitted diseases, the news may come as a real shock, disappointment or surprise to your partner. Be prepared to listen to their concerns and pay attention to their emotions.

Be kind, thoughtful, respectful and considerate of their feelings. In most cases, your partner may need some time and space to think about their relationship with you and possibly even whether they want to continue with it. Give them as much time and space as they need.


If they have decided to continue their relationship with you, that’s great news. You’ll need to be prepared with information on how you can have safe sex.

Be frank and detailed about how you are going to go about your sexual activity. What condoms would be best, what type of lubricant or what type of spermicide? Maybe dental dams would be a good option.

Sit down and work out the details of how you are going to proceed before the next time you get intimate. Your plan for safe sex should be highly influenced by what STD you actually have. If you do your research beforehand, you’ll know of the precautions you’ll need to take to minimize any exposure to infection.

In some cases, your partner may not want to continue your relationship, and that’s OK too. You need to prepare yourself for this possibility.

However, if you take the time to educate yourself and plan out how you’re going to tell them, then you’ll have a good chance of them at least wanting to talk about it. If they don’t want to continue with the relationship, then it usually means they were just scared. Not of you, but of the STD.

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